Moving in with the In-Laws

So we have decided to move in with my in-laws instead. Let me tell you how we decided on this.
We went over to my mom`s house on Saturday to help her clear out some stuff in her basement to we could actually walk in the rooms down there! We get there and i look at everything and do not want to move it! I am completely overwhelmed by how much stuff is down there! So Mike gets the room cleared out that he and I would be sleeping in. We wanted to paint it since it is a terrible shade of green. Both of my parents act a little weird about this and are suprised that we wanted to paint down there and actually make it more of a home for us. So I am sitting down there and looking around at all the stuff we have to do and not wanting to do any of it. I think part of it was that it made it real that i actually have to leave my home and move back in with my parents. So we actually make some pretty good progress on the whole thing and we can actually walk in the room we are going to put Embree in. We decide to be done for the day and go to dinner with my sister and her husband. later that night we are all sitting around talking and i ask my mom if we can paint another wall down there that would be where we have our TV and couch. Well i really think that was the straw that broke the camels back. Needless to say i went home in tears because i am stressed out enough right now with everthing that is going on that i don`t need to add another project to the list of packing my moms basement and storing it when i have my own house to pack and find a storage unit for.
So anyway we had origianally planned on moving in with Mike`s parents, but for some reason decided against it. I think it was cause i would be the one that would be home all the time and it would just be easier to do that at my Mom`s where i felt comfortable, but now that Mike is home more often it will be better. We also were told that we were more than welcome which is what i really needed to hear because i do not want my little family to be a burden on anyone! Plus we wouldn`t have to move as much stuff out of their basement and it is set up down there for someone to live in since two of his sisters have already lived there with their spouses. We also would not be on top of anyone down there and would have a little bit more privacy and when i say a little bit more i mean like no privacy, but we are both willing to deal with that if it means getting back on our feet! Really its not going to be an ideal situation for anyone!
So i think that living with his parents has taken a load of my back because it won`t be so much work!! I really am sad to leave my house, but i know that we will have fun and be in a better situation in a few months than we are right now. I feel like we are going backwards and we are poor newlyweds agian, but this time with a baby! It defeniatly will be a journey but i wouldn`t want to take it with anyone else but my sweet husband! It will defeniatly be hard on our marriage, but we only have each other! Plus we are kind of stuck with each other for eternity :)

I need a release!

So these are a few things that have been on my mind lately. I try to talk to Mike about them, but he doesn`t understand so i thought i would put them on here :)
I am so scared to have more kids. I know this is lame because i already have one and it shouldn`t be as hard the second time around, but everyone says that if your first sleeps really good your second won`t. Everyone says that your second is not the same as the first, which i can see, but i also think that if i do the same things with my second with their sleeping habits won`t they be a good sleeper too?? Also i know this is pretty lame, but i don`t want to be the cliche family that has a new baby every 2 years. I want to be able to enjoy my sweet baby girl that i have now and not worry that in less than a year i have to start trying to get pregnant again!! Ahh!!! I do not want to be pregnant any time soon! I have been working my butt off, literally, to get the baby weight off and i don`t want to have worked this hard just to put most of it back on and start all over. I don`t really mind if i have like a 3 year gap in between my first 2 kids cause it`s not like they won`t like each other when they grow up cause age doesn`t really matter when you get older. I also don`t want to be one of those mom`s that you see at the store with a million kids she can`t handle. It was hard enough for me to decide to have one, i can`t imagine myself with 2,3, or 4! I just want to take my time and enjoy each child and each stage. I want to be able to be a happy mom that has time for herself, which might be a little selfish on my part, but every mom needs her own time.
I also have been really wanting to be able to do something fun. I want to go on a fun vacation, don`t get me wrong i love St. George and being down there, but I`m talking like Hawaii or a cruise. Even California and the beach will do. I`m tired of not having the money to do the things i want to do or go where i want to go. My parents are going on a cruise in like a week and i am so bummed that i don`t get to go! Maybe i am just being a baby and i need to look at what i have around me, but i see all these other couples doing fun fun things and i want to get out and do something! Maybe it`s the fact that i have been bored at home all week that i just need some good friends to do things with. I feel llike i am the only person in the world thats not busy or has some sort of hobby. I need some suggestions. Do i try to go back to school? Do i start sewing and make a bunch of things and try to sell them? Should i get a job just to feel busy? Maybe i`m a little lost right now.
Sorry to be sort of whiney and talking about things that i really shouldn`t worry about, but i just have a lot on my mind and no one to talk to about it:)

I have got alot on my mind!

Wow it has been a long time and i just wanted to share a few thoughts and update a few things if anyone even follows this anymore!

It has been a hard year for us!! Mike lost his job last May and hasn`t been able to find a good one since. We are in the process of doing a short sale on our house because we can`t afford to make the payments anymore. We got an offer on it last month and most likely will have to be out before the end of the month. We have decided to move in with my parents. I really am having mixed emotions about it cause it`s not going to be easy on anyone. I think we will have a really hard time because we have been on our own, in our own house for the past 5 years. We also haven`t had to rely on anyone, but ourselves for support and help so it has been hard.

We have had to give back our (my) Mazda to the bank because we couldn`t make the payments on it anymore so we are down to the truck and my Dad`s old Honda that he gave to us. I don`t know what we would have done if he hadn`t given it to us. I`m so grateful and honestly i like driving it! I was really bummed to have to give our car back, but i know it is for the best and it has saves us alot of money so it was worth it! I don`t really mind driving the truck either. It`s big and hard to park, but it is also fun to see the looks on peoples faces when i pull up!!

The one good thing that has happened to us is my sweet Embree! I am so grateful to have her! I love her more than anything!! She is such a good baby and i count my blessings every day! She was a very fussy baby at first and i thought she was a little colicy, but then i just happened to lose my milk and so she had to have formula and she stopped being so fussy! I think i just didnt make enough milk for her so she was always hungary! I am actually glad i lost my milk. It`s a good bonding experience and all, but she is a fussy eater to this day and for some reason it was really hard for me. I guess i was expecting it to be easy cause of my sister and friends made it look easy. I just think it is easier for some people then others. But anyway she is so much fun and i love being a Mom! I really think that being a mom is what i was meant to do. She is growing up way to fast though! She started crawling at 6 months and has been going ever since! She says Dada and Momma and i love it! She really is the most cuddly baby to! She lets me cuddle her all the time and i just can`t stop kissing her!!

Embree will be getting 3 new cousins in August and September. All 3 of them are boys so she will still be the only girl on both sides which i love! My mom also loves that she has a little grandaughter! She is such a big help to me with her! If she can tell i am frustrated or need a break she will help me without even asking. She feeds her and changes her diaper more times than i can count! My mom is an awesome Grandma!

My parents have also helped us so much through the past year! When Embree was born my mom came over and cleaned my house for me and took our laundry home and did it for me. She also came and made dinner and cleaned me house! For Christmas my parents did sort of a sub for Santa for us. I can`t even tell you how much that meant to us! The holidays were hard for us and that made it so much better!! My parents have also taken us to dinner countless number of times and helped us with other things we have needed. Family really steps up when they know someone is struggling!! Mike has also received alot of side jobs from family members that has helped us pay bills and other things.

I think out of all of our struggles and everything that we have been through in the past year we have really come to rely on each other and our family. We realize that material things don`t matter and when everything else is gone you still have each other and your family. So thank you to everyone that has helped us throught this past year!! You have no idea how much it has helped and how grateful we are for your kindness! Hopefully things will start to get better for us and we will get back on our feet sometime soon. We are just trying to stay positive througout even though it is hard and we sure do have our days!

Sorry for such a long post, but alot has happened!!